I Blame Televison

Here are some additional comments/questions I've received about the US. Keep in mind that most of them are: a) said in a joking manner; or b) came from a particular co-worker who is not the sharpest crayon in the box. She constantly touched me and called me sweetie. I hated it.

Regardless of their origins, the questions provide some insight into Kiwi perceptions of the US.

• Did I throw my cap in the air at graduation?
• Does everyone in America get boob jobs? (One look at me answers this question.)
• Did I live in the dorms at University? Do I wish I could go back? (It's a rite of passage, but not one I'm eager to repeat.)
• Did I have a Sweet 16 party? (I would like to hunt down and choke the person responsible for MTV's My Super Sweet 16. What a tragedy.)
• Did I live through a hurricane?
• You're quiet for an American.
• It must be cool to get Chinese take-away in the cardboard containers with the metal handles. (Apparently, NZ packages all leftover Chinese food in styrofoam.)
• All 20-something Americans live in loft apartments.
• All Americans shop at the Gap.
• Does George Bush move out of the White House tomorrow? (asked on election day)
• Will Barack Obama's face be put on money?
• Do you like Paris Hilton? Do you like Keanu Reeves? (Insert your own joke about combined IQ score.)
• You guys have heaps of cool things in America!
• Is New York City safe?
• Did you grow up in a place like Laguna Beach or the Hills? (Oh sweetie, if you only knew...)

Tip Top

Someone recently asked if I had overcome my tipping habit. I was thisclose to launching into a tirade about how not all of Pennsylvania is farmland and how I've never tipped a cow. Then he clarified: "You know, a gratuity?" (Oops. I've heard too many Amish jokes.) Tipping is not customary in New Zealand.

It's true that it was difficult to overcome this habit. In fact, I may have offended the man who delivered my bed by offering him a tip. On the other hand, a cab driver seemed overjoyed by my small tip. Then I felt like a sucker. The lack of tipping is most noticeable in restaurants, but the payment circumstances make it difficult to tip. Even in nice restaurants, you're usually expected to walk up to the the counter/bar to pay when you're done your meal. (There were some looong waits for the bill before I caught on to this practice.) It would be strange to go back to the table with a tip, and there is no space to add a tip on credit card slips.

I've now become so accustomed not tipping that I will probably be an accidental cheapskate upon my return to the US.

Stop and Smell the Roses

What a difference a few months make! Compare Wellington's Lady Norwood Rose Garden in the monsoon that was August versus the gloriousness that is December.

My smile in the August photo is totally fake, by the way. I was miserable.

Newsflash, Part XXII

I think the Dominion Post reporters read N to the Zed for story ideas. The coincidences are becoming eerie. I just told you about the immense popularity of text messaging in NZ. This article debates the time-saving benefits of text language.

When I took my car to the mechanic this morning*, the registration sheet prompted me to select my preferred method of contact. I circled "text message." When in Rome...

* Not to worry - my trusty Integra is fine. It just needs a check-up before it becomes my main source shelter next month.

Hang the Mistletoe!

You might wake up with more than a hangover this holiday season! 49% of Kiwis would like to hook up with a co-worker at their office Christmas party. Despite the survey's small sample size and the questionable motives of its sponsor (a condom manufacturer), I am still inclined to believe this statistic. Didn't I tell you my department's beach party was cuh-razy? Take my word for it.

The season of giving, and receiving (!), continues. The holiday party for the entire office will be held this Friday evening. The venue isn't as impressive (office building vs. beach), but I'm sure the antics will remain entertaining. A strongly-worded memo was sent to all managers to stress that the party is for staff only. Ex-employees and spouses are banned because they seem to have caused a ruckus in years past. However, an exception was made for one and only one person... yours truly! (My contract ended last week.) The Kiwis love me. And let's be honest... when have I ever been known to cause a ruckus?

Beached As

This viral video is making its way around New Zealand. Some Australians put the video together to mock the NZ accent and slang. Many Kiwis think this is very funny, but I do not find it the least bit entertaining. I bet you can't wait to watch it after that ringing endorsement!

Note: Kiwis use the word "bro" a lot.

Botany

Here are some more of those famous koru ferns, along with a New Zealand plant called the "creeping lawyer." Haha. Sorry, lawyer friends! Don't kill the messenger.

Airport Beach

The Wellington airport is located pretty much directly on the beach. You can almost reach out and touch the planes. The one and only runway extends into the water.

This bottom left corner of this sign tells me the slogan for the Wellington airport is "Wild at Heart." Does anyone else see problem with this? Where are we... Bangkok?! I like my airports to be the opposite of wild - regimented, scheduled, German.

SPF

Three cheers for December in New Zealand! Tank tops! Convertibles! Beaches! Daylight until 9pm! I thought the day would never come.

This weekend, I learned the hard way that NZ has the highest UV ratings in the world due to the lack of ozone. I then paid $18 for a small bottle of sunscreen (on sale from $25). I will pay any price to remain wrinkle free.

Newsflash, Part XXI

The 6th most googled topic in New Zealand in 2008 was (drumroll please)... the word "google." Oh Kiwis, you kill me.

Eyes Peeled

I cannot wait to see my first New Zealand penguin!!

(Kia Tupato is Maori for "be careful." Not sure about the bottom line - probably "Silly American, leave the penguins alone.")