See You At The Crossroads

I had a Bone, Thugs 'N Harmony moment on my road trip. Do I take the youthful adventure path or the peaceful adult path? They lead to the same destination. One path takes a little longer, but it's a lot more fun. Oh, the symbolism!!!

Robert Frost must have visited Prawn Park.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Road Trip, Stop 7

It just so happens that Taupo is also "the prawn fishing capital of the world." Do you see a theme emerging here? NZ has an inflated sense of self.

Prawn Park is a tourist trap, but it is FUN. How did I know I was having FUN? There were signs everywhere to remind me. Among the FUN activites: prawn fishing in a man-made body of water that has been stocked with prawn, feeding trout, walking through nature, visiting babies in the prawn nursery, riding a prawn-shaped stationary bike, and completing an obstacle course that is completely unrelated to prawn...just to keep that Kiwi spirit alive!

Road Trip, Stop 6

We visited the Tokaanu Thermal Pools for additional geothermal amusement. This was much more impressive to me than the Craters of the Moon. The water was clear/aqua blue/orange/steaming. The pictures don't do it justice. We spent our allotted 20 minutes in a private mineral water pool, then moved on to the chlorinated public pool. It was a wonderful way to relax on a cool day!

Road Trip, Stop 5

The north-central region of NZ is very geologically active (that's a scientific term). The walk through the Craters of the Moon felt very familiar. It is the Centralia of New Zealand!! The sulfur smelled like home, and the steam rising from the ground warmed my heart.

The Craters are much louder and foggier than Centralia, and the area also features bubbling mud pools. It was very "Lord of the Rings." You have to follow a boardwalk path to avoid being swallowed up by the earth. During the one-hour walk, it went from pouring rain to sunny about 3 times.

Road Trip, Stop 4

The Honey Hive was recently the victim of arson (who would do such a thing?!), so we didn't get the full "feeling good naturally" experience. The bees aren't even stored onsite during renovation :( However, a walk through their temporary trailers allowed me to sample many varietys of honey, honey wine, honey juice, honey hand cream, and even honey ice cream. Delicious!

Why is there a Rock 'n Ropes adventure course in the backyard of the Honey Hive? Because this is New Zealand.

Road Trip, Stop 3

Lake Taupo is the largest lake in New Zealand. Taupo and nearby Turangi (where we stayed overnight) bill themselves as the "trout fishing capital of the world." Lake Taupo sounds like "Lake Tahoe," so I thought this would be a happening place for the holiday weekend. Not so much. I walked through a small carnival that involed many gypsies and astrologers operating out of vans. By 5pm on Sunday, everything in town was closed.

A leisurely stroll around a lake would usually be a safe activity, but the Kiwis manage to inject danger into everything. A sign was posted every 10 feet to alert you to the possibility of falling in the lake and drowning. Why, then, is there a slippery staircase that leads directly into the lake? It's convenient if you plan to load your pockets with rocks and pull a Virgina Woolf. Not a pleasant thought, but I can't think of a less sinister explanation for this slimy staircase.

Road Trip, Stop 2

We stopped at Huka Falls and the Waikato River. The river flows north, which boggles the mind. I was expecting something along the lines of Niagara Falls, but Huka Falls wasn't quite as grand. It was more like a big rush of water... but still pretty. We considered taking a jetboat ride at the falls, but we're going to save this adrenaline rush for a better location. Any place you find water in NZ, you will also find a jetboat ride.

Road Trip, Stop 1

Our first stop was the town of Taihape to attend Gumboot Day, an annual celebration of golashes. Taihape claims this event is internationally known. There isn't a good story behind the tradition -- they simply christened themselves the "gumboot capital of the world" to attract tourists. Taihape reminded me of a frontier town. We spotted no fewer than 4 boys with rattails.

What can you do on Gumboot Day? Participate in the gumboot throwing competition, of course! First prize for women was a free pass to bungee jump; first prize for men was a "mystery weekend." You can also paint a ceramic gumboot, admire the large gumboot sculptures, take your pet lamb for a walk, or hang out in the beer tent.

What can you not do on Gumboot Day? Buy a cute pair of gumboots. You'd think the gumboot manufacturers of the world would be all over this event! There was a lone stand selling ugly black gumboots, but I wanted pink or patterned like all the other girls. Never in my life have I had such a strong desire to buy unnecessary footwear (and that is saying a lot).

Road Trip!

Have car, will travel! We set out on our first Kiwi road trip over NZ's Labour Day weekend. Wellington is a cool city, but it can feel small to me. However, it is a booming metropolis by NZ standards. Drive 30 minutes outside of the city and you're truly in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hills and sheep... lots and lots of sheep. It suddenly hits me: "I am in New Zealand."

We headed up State Highway 1 (yes, one!) towards the central part of the north island. Don't let the word "highway" confuse you. This is a mostly 2-lane road that winds through mountains (guardrails optional), small towns, and national parks. The most difficult part of the drive was keeping my eyes on the road. The scenery is beautiful! I missed out on many photo opportunities because I am unable to multi-task while driving.

My co-workers made me very nervous about this trip. They were horrified to learn that my planned departure time was 9am Saturday. They warned: "Leave much earlier! Make sure you start the return trip on Monday either very late or very early." (If they were so worried, maybe they should have stopped supplying me with beverages on Drinkie Friday. This pushed back my departure time to noonish...) Silly Kiwis - they don't even know what traffic is! We barely encountered other vehicles on Saturday. Monday was busier, but nowhere near "busy" by US standards.

To deal with the holiday weekend gridlock, the police set up "driver reviver" stations along the highway that offered free espresso and facepainting. Kiwis take everything to the extreme. I don't know about you, but nothing keeps me alert on the road like a jolt of caffeine and a tiger-striped face. It's a jungle out there!

Note: Trip details/pics to follow later. It is my bedtime.

Queen's Wharf, Wellington

I Spy

I'm taking more time to stop and smell the roses over here, so to speak. If you stare at the Wellington mountains long enough, you start to notice some interesting things. Let's play a little game of "Where's Waldo?"

Do you see anything unusual in this picture (above the peak of the middle roof)?

Now take a closer look. There is a man with a weed whacker on the middle of a mountain! This is an exercise in futility! I heard him long before I saw him.

Here is a mattress in the middle of a mountain. I'm sure those gardeners get tired from time to time.

Newsflash, Part XIV

This article describes a new advertising campaign designed to lure British men to New Zealand. In another showing of Kiwi ingenuity, New Zealand has started to promote the promiscuity of its women for tourism purposes. Most countries would be ashamed, but New Zealand is just happy to finally be #1 at something. (Prostitution is legal here, by the way...)

Interestingly enough, I don't remember seeing any ads designed to alert young American women about NZ's man drought. Thanks a lot, Kiwis!

Kiwi Canines (update)

I finally found place in Wellington that welcomes dogs. I told you a few weeks ago that dogs are banned from many areas of the city. So where do they go to play? The Woof Woof Ruff Dog Exercise Area!! Where else?!

World Series Update

While you were watching game 2 of the World Series on Thursday night, I was "working" on Friday afternoon. My co-worker continues to attempt to keep me informed about the games. He passes along updates from mlb.com. Sometimes they don't make sense.

Him: 4-2 in the bottom of the 9th.
Me: Good, the Phillies are winning.
Him: No, the Phillies are losing.
Me: I think the game is in Florida? There wouldn't be a bottom of the 9th if the Phillies were losing.
Him: Oh, well... um... let me check.
Me: Yeah, you do that.
Him: It's the top of the 9th. You were right.

Don't you forget it, young Kiwi male! The American girl is always right.

Another note about work on Friday -- I assumed work drinking would be canceled because it was NZ's Labour Day Weekend. Who wants to stay late at the office when a 3-day holiday weekend awaits? The Kiwis, that's who!! The office fridge was cleared out to make room for beer at 11:17am. I got nervous when 4:00 rolled around and no one had yet made a move, but the Kiwis didn't let me down. 12th Floor Drinkie Friday was in full swing by 4:30pm.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

True or false? These are beautiful flowers. In New Zealand, the correct answer is "false." These arum lilies grow like weeds and are regarded as.... weeds. They are a thorn in the side of Kiwi gardeners. A woman at work almost had a coronary when her British daughter-in-law wanted to include these pests in her bridal bouquet.

Do I see any difference between these arum lilies and the calla lilies that Americans pay a premium for at the florist? No.

Lost & Found

This email message was sent out to the entire office this morning:

"Hi - If anybody lost a shoe coming back from the gym yesterday, it is outside the wine loft."

WHERE AM I?? Does the office really have a dedicated wine loft? Is it possible to lose a shoe without realizing it? I suppose this depends how long you've spent at the wine loft.

Newsflash, Part XIII

The Kiwis are in danger of becoming extinct. Visit New Zealand now before it is too late! Young Kiwi male, how are we supposed to have cute Kiwi babies if your sperm count continues to drop? The articles states there is nothing to worry about "as long as a man takes care of the things he can prevent - like smoking, drinking, or smoking marijuana." Thus, I have no hope for the future of this country.

(The reader comments on this news article are pretty funny too. I swear the "Maureen" who left a comment is NOT me.)

Gluteus Maximus

If you think Dawn and I will ever run out of bad jokes about "going up Butt Street," you are sorely mistaken, my friend! (Pun intended.)

The street name is very apropos. I know it is hard to believe, but I promise you that every street in Wellington is uphill both ways. I have not grown accustomed to this. I am exhausted; the lactic acid is coursing through my muscles. Even the brief "downhill" periods are steep and taxing. You really have to engage the quads so as to avoid tumbling head over heels down the hills. I initially thought this mountain-climbing would make me trim, but I now think it is building up a badonkadonk that doesn't want to fit in my pants. Well, that and all the TimTams I've been eating...

I would hate to turn into a stereotype. Consider this conversation I was peripherally involved in about a co-worker's body (like I said, nothing is off-limits at the office).

Girl: J. is hot.

Boy: She is pretty, but she has such a big ass.

Girl: Yeah, she does have a big American ass.

Boy: I can't believe you said that! Maureen is American!

Girl: You know what I mean... a big black American ass.

Boy: That's not any better! I'm practically black! [He is Indian] And Maureen voted for Obama!

Girl: It's okay. I'm half and half.

Boy: But you're not half black! Or half American!

Today at work, I was asked to sort 6 cases of chocolate bars (don't even ask) and someone commented that the only person who could eat 6 cases of chocolate bars in one sitting would be an American. Cool it, Kiwis! You're gonna give a girl a complex!

The pictures below show a variety of steep staircases and paths that make the buns burn. You'll notice that some resourceful/lazy Wellingtonians have installed cable cars leading from the street to their homes. I'm a little jealous of these cable cars, but a closer look reveals their dangers. There is no mistaking the international symbol for "this thing will crush you."