Pump Up the Jams

As I’ve suggested previously, the New Zealand soundtrack is a bit behind the times. The Kiwis really do party like it’s 1999! A regular feature in one of the Welly newspapers involves asking people on the street what’s playing on their ipods. [side note - I recently shared an elevator with someone listening to a discman.] The selections are often old. Not old enough to be classic (Janet Jackson, Rhythm Nation); just old enough to be unexpected (Janet Jackson, Damita Jo).

One day, a shoe store was playing a late 90s boy band dance song. I don’t remember which one – maybe NSync’s "Bye, Bye, Bye," or Backstreet Boys’ "I Want It That Way." Honestly, who can tell the difference? In any case, those chart-toppers are undeniably catchy. You still hear them in American malls from time to time. You bop along and reminisce – “prom night was totally awesome!” In the US, the experience ends there. In New Zealand, the shoe store proceeds to play the entire CD. The CD is at least a decade old, and some of the songs were never popular in the first place.

In another retail/musical mash-up, I was recently Rickrolled in a convenience store. Never gonna get that song out of my head!

To go even further back in time, I can watch hours of music videos on C4 TV. This was my favorite pastime in the 7th grade, which is the last time MTV has shown a music video. In a shocking twist of events (brace yourself...), the music videos broadcast in New Zealand are actually very new and “with it.” Some of the bands are so hip that I’m too old to know them. If you find yourself shoe shopping in New Zealand in 2020, this is the music you’ll hear.

NOT World Famous

I already told you that NZ loves to make fun of Major League Baseball's "World" Series. Well guess what, Kiwis?? You do the exact same thing! Snap!

The tagline for NZ's native L&P Soda is "World Famous in New Zealand" (written on the red banner on the bottles). This non-sensical slogan has taken on a life of its own. Kiwis attach this label to anything they believe to be deserving of world fame. In reality, the term means that an item/person has achieved some degree of popularity in this tiny, isolated nation... nowhere near world famous. By the way, L&P soda is underserving of even local fame. It is gross.

In other soft drink news, soda is commonly referred to as "fizzy drink." NZ has a lot of fruit/citrus sodas that I don't care for. I'm usually a Pepsi girl, but 99% of places only have Coca-Cola. The Coke is often served in a glass bottle with an old-time bottle cap. So cute! Cherry Coke was pulled from the market because it didn't go over so well with Kiwis. Ginger Beer (non-alcholic) is another gross soft drink that is very popular in NZ.

Don't confuse Ginger Beer with Ginger Ale, which is very difficult to find. (I'm told it is here, but I haven't seen it yet.) How am I supposed to have my favorite Ginger Ale and Vanilla Vodka cocktail sans Ginger Ale? It's a tough life.

Overheard in a Welly Restaurant...

A waitress asks a table of men if they would like to order dessert. They order tequila... in a restaurant that lacks a liquor license. I struggle to reconcile the idiocy (tequila for dessert?) and genius (tequila for dessert!) of the young Kiwi male.

Send This to 5 Friends For Good Luck

Just like in the US, Kiwi office workers spend their day forwarding email jokes and chain letters. I used to get at 1 or 2 emails a week that made fun of George Bush in one way or another, but New Zealand is starting to change its tune. Check out the website that was passed around yesterday...
http://www.nothingisimpossible.co.nz/

Newsflash, Part XVII

This article describes the A La Naturelle fashion show taking place in Canterbury this weekend. It shows 2 examples of poor parenting by the Kiwis. 1) Would you let your 17-year-old daughter model topless? Is it still considered "nudity" if there is body paint involved? Naturally, this showing of boobs is expected to draw huge crowds of children (?!) so there will also be a petting zoo and fair rides. 2) Do the NZ police urge parents to watch their children closely? No. They say "Write your cell phone number on junior's hand and we'll call you whenever we find him."

England's Princess Anne is expected to attend that classy fashion show with all the Kiwi kids. Her big brother, Prince Charles, paid his own visit to New Zealand in 1981. This articles contains new revelations about Charles' thoughts on the country. He is quoted as saying: "I am beginning to get fed up with the amount of nonsensical rubbish I take all day and every day." Preachin' to the choir, Chuck!

You Say Zed, I Say Zee

Now that they can't make fun of my President anymore, the Kiwis have taken to making fun of my spelling. At a work meeting, people were trying to come up with a word that is the opposite of seamless. I wasn't supposed to be an active participant in this meeting, but I couldn't stand to watch them stumble over themselves any longer. I offered up "disjointed." Everyone liked this suggestion. The guy writing on the board (yes, like a 4th grade classroom) had his back to us. He asked: "Was that the American?"and commented that I should be happy with the spelling because it didn't have any extra U's. Somone said I'd probably like to "throw a funny ZED in there" (implying that I would write dizjointed instead of disjointed). They all had a good laugh over this. Someone finally tacked on, "Oh we're not making fun of you, Maureen." Sure...

That Other Election

You've been flooding my inbox with questions about the results of NZ's election on Saturday. Okay, not really. I don't care about it either, but I'd be remiss if I didn't notify you of the big change in NZ government. After serving as Prime Minister since 1999 (no term limits in NZ), Helen Clark lost to John Key. Seems like everyone is looking for a change these days! Don't ask me any detailed questions about the candidates, their stances, or the election process. I've been involved in many conversations about these topics, but I can't seem to retain the information. I guess I really am a self-centered American. From what I gather, you cast your vote for a certain political party instead of a particular person.

The election coverage on TV left a lot to be desired. It looked like it was shot with a cell phone camera. There were a few talking heads with laptops gathered around a table. Their most impressive graphics were a series of color-coded bar graphs. This does not begin to compare to CNN, which I hear used holograms to beam people into their studios this year. There was no digital map that expands with the touch of a finger.

I've become so accustomed to speaking my mind here on N to the ZED that I sometimes forget to edit myself in real life. After one too many unsolicited comments about the TV coverage, a Kiwi said: "You just can't help yourself, can you?" Oops. Zip it, Maureen. Honestly though, even the TV anchors realized their sad state. They mentioned numerous times that this election didn't measure up to the excitement of the US election.

Buyer's Remorse

I spent too much money on wine in Martinborough. I wasn't satisfied to taste it; I had to own it. Why did I buy a bottle of sweet dessert wine that I didn’t even like?? Because my name is on the label... the unimpressive label in Times New Roman font that I could easily re-create on my home computer. This vineyard was the last stop on our day-long tour of wine country, which may explain my decision-making.

(But give me a break - it was very difficult to find pencils and keychains with my name when I was kid. "Maureen" is no "Jennifer.")

Streets of Martinborough

John Martin, the founder of Martinborough, wasn't very creative. It's pretty obvious how the town got its name. Its street names aren't any more original. Martin named the streets after places he visited on an 1879 world tour, which included many US states. The town square was laid out to resemble the pattern of the Union Jack. Get your own ideas, Kiwis!!

But I'm happy to see that cold beer is still available in western New York! Shout out to my old hometown of Rochester!

My Humble Abode

If you need me, I'll be spending the rest of my days in this adorable Martinborough cottage... drinking wine, tending to my garden, and eating avacados. Bliss.

Martinborough

Martinborough is a small village (population 1400) in the Wairarapa region of New Zealand. It just might be the cutest place in the world! It is full of sunshine, happiness and good wine. Martinborough is a 1.5 hour drive from Wellington, up state highway 2 through the curvy (scary) Rimutaka Mountains. Despite its proximity to rainy/windy Welly, Martinborough is lucky enough to have a different climate. The town is protected by the surrounding mountains and known as the driest spot in the north island.... prime growing conditions for pinot noir. It was the nicest weather I’ve experienced in NZ. Praise the lord.

The tiny little town square consists of a park, some cafes and shops, a colonial style hotel, and a “museum.” The roads leading out of the town square house over 40 vineyards. After our first two pre-noon tastings, it became necessary to abandon our car and hit the vineyards by foot. We merrily traipsed through the grapes all afternoon. It was delightful!