"A New Dawn"

At the risk of beating a dead horse, I must again tell you how closely NZ was following the election. It genuinely surprised me… in a good way. People all around the world stopped to hear Obama speak. It was my Wednesday evening, your late Tuesday night, but the same moment in time. It made the world feel both very big and very small. It really hit home. Everyone was watching and waiting for results, but you were one of the few who had the right to participate in the process. Even if your candidate didn’t win, I think you can still appreciate the significance of the event. I don’t know how divided the US is right now, but NZ is happy. They think we did a really cool thing!

I came across this AP article about how the election has affected American expats. My experience is not as dramatic, but the idea is the same. The last few months have opened my eyes to how the rest of the world views the US. I wasn't surprised, but it's still jarring to experience it firsthand. NZ is an easy-going country that occupies its own little corner of the world. It’s certainly not a hostile environment, but I’m regularly asked about the war on terror, Bushisms, Hurricane Katrina, civil liberties, etc, etc. It's almost always good-natured, but there have been a few conversations that went on long enough to make me uncomfortable... a few comments said with a tone that put me on the defensive.

The atmosphere was noticeably different today. People congratulated me; they asked intelligent questions; they expressed hope that the world would change for the better. I wasn’t the butt of any jokes. It sounds made-up and cheesy, but a Kiwi told me his faith in America was renewed. He said that New Zealand knows it is insignificant in the grand scheme of things so it looks to America for its lead, for support, for opportunity. That’s all changed in the last few years, but people are optimistic that it can change back. That Kiwi is only one person, but the AP article tells a similar story. I could go on, but the main point is that I’m more aware today than I was yesterday of America’s role in the world and how far-reaching its influence is.

But don’t take my word for it... go to the news! This was the lead story in New Zealand's capital city newspaper today. The front page featured a half-page photo of Obama with the headline “Change Has Come To America.” The rest of the front page was the article text, except for a small column in the bottom right corner. That column's headline was: “That Other Election.” What’s that other election? Oh nothing much… just Saturday’s election for Prime Minister of New Zealand, the highest office in all the land.

Note: Thanks for letting me say my piece. I'm done now. This has been very interesting to me, but it might be a “you had to be there” thing. I promise that N to the ZED will now return to important topics like boys and sheep.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

Dear America,

You're so far away, but I felt so close to you today. I know you've been doubting my loyalty lately. I can't say I blame you, but please remember that it's normal for relationships to go through these rough patches. This is just a break, not a break-up.

I admit that my affair has been totally cliche. I left your security, wealth and status for a younger country that was smaller in size and promised me a good time. I simply couldn't resist! I got carried away, but today got me thinking about all the good times we've shared. Just give me a little more time to sow my wild oats. If you allow me this fling, I promise I'll return to grow old with you.

New Zealand is fun, but my heart belongs to you, America.

Forever yours,

MoCo

President Obama

New Zealand is very pleased with your decision, dear readers! I didn't want to scare anyone, but I was pretty sure I'd need some type of political asylum if you had elected McCain. I mapped a route to the embassy just in case. The Kiwis would have run me and my weapons of mass destruction right out of town! Who would dare make such sweeping generalizations about a country and its people... ;)

My Kiwi co-workers played it cool until about 1:30pm today. At that point, only Kentucky and Vermont had been announced. They asked, "Maureen, what time is it in America?" For the rest of the afternoon, the only thing people talked about was the election. Everyone was checking different websites and comparing notes. They asked again, "Maureen, what time is it in America?" Well, if it was 7:30pm when you asked an hour ago, it is now 8:30pm. By the close of business, Obama had been announced as the winner.

Ever since the Phillies won the World Series, my young Kiwi male baseball fan has developed a sudden interest in American politics. After work, we went to a bar that had been showing CNN coverage of the election since 9am. It was packed to the gills with loud, drunk Americans (and Kiwis). The first thing I heard when I walked in was: "Shots for Barack!" The place fell completely silent when Obama came on to give his victory speech. Then everyone went wild when Obama said "And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores..." It was very cool! The world really was watching. I will always remember that I was in an Irish pub in New Zealand for this moment of American history. Then I had Chinese food for dinner. What a melting pot!

I Think That I Shall Never See...

... a poem as lovely as a giant New Zealand tree.

By: Joyce Kilmer (with a Maureen C. twist)

Election Quiz

N to the ZED is a self-fulfilling prophecy! When I write about something, it tends to come true. Yesterday, I told you about my American trivia skills. Today, the newspaper dedicated its entire quiz to American politics. I dominated at office "morning tea!" This is obviously an homage to Election Day, Tues Nov 4, which hasn't happened for you, but is almost over for me.

Now you have 2 ways to show your patriotism today: 1) vote; and 2) take the NZ quiz! The correct answers appear in the comments.

1. Who formally selects the US president and vice president?
2. Who comes from the city of Wasilla?
3. What was the middle name of President Richard M. Nixon?
4. What was the nationality of Barack Obama's father?
5. Which US political party abolished slavery?
6. What do the letters "DC" stand for in Washington DC?
7. Which US president pushed the economic reforms known as the New Deal?
8. The US Senate and House of Representatives are jointly known as what?
9. Which part of the US Constitution guarantees freedom of religion, speech, and the press?
10. What make of car is currently used as the official limousine of the US president?

Seeing that I've been an American my entire life, you'd think the Kiwis would shut up and listen to me. But no... the office creep gives me lots of trouble with question #1.

Me: It's the electoral college.
Him: I don't know... what about all that controversy about choosing between Obama and Hillary... you know... don't some votes count more than others? Blah, blah, blah.
Me: Superdelegates?
Him: Yes, that's it.
Me: That's different.
Him: Hmm... I'm not sure.
Me: That's about the nominees. The question is about the winner.
Him: I don't know....
Me: It's the electoral college.

This quiz was right up my alley, but it still gave me an inferiority complex. The Kiwis knew many of the answers. I doubt Americans would fare as well in a quiz about foreign politics. Also, the Kiwis expected me to supplement my answers. They weren't satisfied to learn that FDR started the New Deal; they wanted me to explain the New Deal. I haven't thought about this since the 11th grade.

Of course, quiz time ends with questions about how I'll vote tomorrow and jokes about the war on terror. I explain that I voted weeks ago. I've already told you that people constantly ask who I voted for, but they also want to know the nitty-gritty details of how I voted from abroad. Much of this interest stems from media reports that absentee ballots weren't counted in the 2000 Bush/Gore election.

Hardly Working

My office recently changed its email program from Groupwise (which I had never even heard of) to Microsoft Outlook 2003. Hello, year 2002!! There were many, many hours of staff training behind this conversion. Ridiculous.

After one grueling training session, the young Kiwi male facilitator approached me. "You probably already know all this?" Well, since you asked... "Yeah, and 2003 isn't the most recent version of Outlook." I didn't realize how snotty this sounded until it was already out of my mouth. Luckily, he found it funny and not offensive. He explained that they have to use the 2003 version because some computers are still operating on Windows 2000. We shared a laugh over his country's backwards business practices.

Despite my above-it-all attitude, I'm really endearing myself to the Kiwis. I do next to nothing at this job, but the Kiwis think I'm super-productive. A little American work ethic goes a long way in New Zealand! I could have held down this job when I was 11... and email didn't even exist when I was 11. The most challenging part of my day is remembering to speak slowly and use Kiwi English. Everyone found it sooo funny that I told my boss to call his mom instead of his mum. If I was in America, I'd tell this guy to cut the apron strings and get back to work.

Watch your back, Helen Clark!* If I stayed in the NZ government, I could easily rise to the ranks of Prime Minister within a decade. Come to think of it, I'm pretty much qualified to run for VP of the US these days too. Sarah would surely agree that kissing a Kiwi counts as foreign policy experience.**

* Pay attention to paragraph 3 of the "early life" section of Helen's bio. You cried throughout your wedding ceremony because you had a headache? Really now??

** Not that I have or have not been involved in such activities.

I'll Take Outdated Games Shows for $200, Alex

Given the national obsession with trivia, you might be surprised to learn that New Zealand got its own version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" only within the last few months. This comes a full decade after Regis revived the game show genre in the US. The Kiwis have suffered through the British version for years, so they were thrilled to finally have a show they could call their very own. The happiness was short-lived because: 1) the show is taped in Australia... a total slap in the face; and 2) the questions are too difficult.

Read about a bitter contestant who walked away with zero dollars (which is actually much less than zero dollars because we're dealing in Kiwi money). Quit your bellyachin'! Where is that famous Kiwi ingenuity you're all so proud of? I suspect it won't be long before a clever contestant outsmarts the system and wins big. New Zealand will have a quiz show scandal on its hands, about 50 years behind the US. Right on target!

Riddle Me This

Forget rugby or cricket, New Zealand's true national pastime is trivia. Kiwis eat it up. Every written publication contains a quiz, and every bar has a weekly quiz night. Every morning around 10:15, my department gathers for "morning tea" to complete the quiz from the Wellington Dominion Post newspaper. It is serious business. The answers, which are already printed upside down, are further concealed to prevent cheating. The question is read aloud. We debate. We settle on an answer and move to question #2. This continues for 10 questions. We check the answers. The reader gives clues and "sounds like" hints for any questions we missed. The whole process takes about 35 minutes, and then it is almost time for my lunch break. The Kiwis are a hard-working and productive people.

The Kiwis are well-rounded, but I am good for only one thing. I am the office expert for American trivia. You don't know pressure until you have 10 sets of Kiwi eyes staring you down. I feel like their opinion of the US as a whole is dependent on my perceived intelligence. I don't feel smart when I answer the questions; I just feel relieved. To be honest, quiz time makes me feel stupid because I have such a narrow frame of reference. Their knowledge of America far surpasses my knowledge of any other country.

In any case, I'm the only one who knew the answer to these (pretty easy) American questions: What does UCLA stand for? What city's transportation system is known as BART? What political couple was implicated in Whitewater? What is John McCain's home state? What author lived at Walden Pond? What state is abbreviated MT?

It's no coincidence that New Zealand has a gaming addiction. The anti-gambling PSAs are outnumbered only by the pokies. Buy just about any item at just about any store and you'll automatically be "entered in the draw" to win some fabulous prize. Today at work, we placed bets on the Melbourne Cup. Keep in mind that New Zealand typically refuses to associate with Australia. Cross your fingers for my guy Gallopin! He's one of the only Kiwi horses in the race. I stand to win 50 big ones!

Newsflash, Part XV

A random smattering of recent NZ news:

• "Try to Trick Vomit Man if You Dare" - I just said that Halloween was no big deal in NZ, but this Kiwi woman is the exception. Someone should tell her that Monica Lewinsky isn't blonde.

• In other news that will make you want to vomit, read about NZ's entry into the "soft meat" industry.

• "Wild Sex in the Sanctuary" - I dare you to resist clicking on this headline.

• This article includes interviews with American expats voting from NZ. Bob from Missouri would vote for Obama... if only all his political views were different. I have to work, so I'll miss NZ's election day coverage. (I feel like I'm eavesdropping when I watch NZ coverage of American news). Please send email updates on your Tuesday evening (my Wednesday afternoon) to keep me amused at the office. I'm looking forward to the end of the election so the Kiwis finally stop grilling me about my voting record.

HalloweeNZ

Several of you have asked if New Zealand celebrates Halloween. Not really. They know it's Halloween, but costume parties and trick-or-treaters are rare. A few Kiwis told me that Halloween has become more popular over the years as a result of American influences, but it's still not a very big deal.

The fortnightly work NOSH (aka: national office social hour, Drinkie Friday) had a Halloween theme. Again, it was so budget and so fun. People took turns wearing a witch hat. Fake spiderwebs hung from the ceiling, and the boardroom windows were covered in something like black saran wrap. (I was shocked to learn it was still daylight when this was taken off the windows at 7pm last call.... kind of like when you exit a movie theatre in the middle of the day.) For food, there was a bowl of fruit snacks and a platter of corn dogs with that gross NZ tomato sauce. They had 2-for-1 drink specials on soon-to-be expired beer.

We continued on to the bars after NOSH, but it was just like any other night out in Welly. The only sign of Halloween was a plastic knife sticking out of a bartender's skull. A few girls were dressed like slutty nurses, slutty cats, or other types of sluts. But, as you know, this isn't exactly a costume for the Kiwi woman.

We Won!!!

Because Alex asked so nicely, I will dedicate a blog post to the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. Woohoo!!! I was at work when the Phillies won. I learned of the victory via a post-it note placed on my computer by my young Kiwi male "baseball fan." It reminded me of when Berger broke up with Carrie, except my post-it note shared happy news.

The whole thing was a bit anti-climactic in New Zealand, but I know everyone at home is having lots of fun. A few of my Philly readers have described this as the best night of their lives. The one exception is the sad story of a reader who attended game 5 but missed out on witnessing history due to the 2 day rain delay. As the Kiwis would say... Bugger!

My sister and future brother-in-law (quite possibly the happiest man on earth right now... get a load of that smile!) shared some pictures from the game night celebration and Friday's victory parade. It wouldn't be a real Philly party without a beer bong and an idiot climbing on the signs.