Good Tidings to All

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM ACROSS THE DISTANCE!

I don't know if my brother remembers this, but I distinctly recall him saying on Christmas Day 2007 that he wanted to live in New Zealand. I asked, "why?" One year later, here I am.

In one of life's more unlikely scenarios, I will be spending the 2008 holidays on a New Zealand dairy farm. Heaven help me if I have to sleep in a manger. It may have suited JC, but MC don't play that.

All joking aside, I've been touched by the Kiwi kindness recently. People I barely know have asked about my plans and invited me to Christmas dinner at their homes. It warms a wanderer's heart!

Although my American ass will be in New Zealand this holiday season, my American spirit will be elsewhere. Warm up the boilo and have an extra drink for me, dear readers, with a side of Michigan Rocks and Date Pinwheels. I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.



N to the ZED is taking a mini-vacation, but please come back after the holidays for a Kiwi dictionary. And you thought we all spoke English...

O, Christmas Tree!

New Zealand's nice weather is doing nothing to put me in the holiday spirit. I saw some carolers in the Botanic Gardens last week... in short sleeves! Wellington's official Christmas tree is pretty, but it just doesn't feel right to see its ornaments shimmering in the sunlight. Bah humbug!

Kiwis do erect evergreen trees in their homes, but they also embrace the puhutukawa plant this time of year. It is affectionately known as the "New Zealand Christmas tree" because it blooms in December and marks the arrival of the holiday/summer season. Its flowers remind me of fiberoptic filaments.

Holiday Bling

The city's Christmas decorations feature my very favorite thing in Wellington- the orb of silver ferns! These banners are on every lightpole in the city. The orb has been hovering above Civic Square since 1998. It is bright and shiny and makes me smile, even on those all-too-common rainy days.

Cinema, NZ

I don't go to many movies here, mostly because the release dates are often months behind the US. However, I'm looking forward to seeing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which opens on Dec 26. I don't think that's too far off from the US date?

As the "cultural capital" of NZ, Wellington differs from the rest of the country in that it has quite a selection of movie theatres. There are some cool little theatres that show primarily independent and foreign films. There are also big cineplexes that show the Hollywood blockbusters, a bit delayed. Wellington is also home to the very impressive Embassy Theatre. With marble floors and sweeping staircases, it looks more like an opera house than a movie theatre. NZ' s favorite son, Peter Jackson, fought and won to have the Embassy host the world premiere of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in 2003.

In NZ, you buy your movie tickets at the same concession stand where you buy your popcorn and alcohol. Sometimes the price of admission includes a glass of wine. I'm not sure if I would have liked Smart People as much without the wine.

Movie theatres in NZ have assigned seating. You consult your ticket for your seat number, just like at a Broadway play. This is ridiculous because the theatres are never full. One time, I walked into the Embassy, which seats hundreds of people, to find 20-30 Kiwis sitting elbow-to-elbow in the same corner. I can't believe they comply with this silly rule. These are the same Kiwis who bungee jump in the middle of the city, who set up home on the side of crumbling mountains, whose laissez-faire attitude is killing its children. I took one look at this herd of sheep, put the ticket in my pocket, and sat in a seat of my own choosing.

Who's the Kiwi now, Kiwis?!

Trafalgar Square

Teensy little Waterloo, New Zealand has its very own Trafalgar Square. There is a Chinese restaurant that, um, doubles as a fish 'n chips shop. The similarities with London end there.

Safe in the City

The Wellington police have launched a new advertizing campaign to promote responsible partying this holiday/summer season. Almost 11 years after Carrie Bradshaw first stepped into her Manolos, Welly reminds me to: "Stick with the girls... Stay Safe in the City." There are 4 women, and the font is familiar. The similarities with Sex and the City and NYC end there.

Today's Events

1. I went to a nice-ish restaurant for lunch. Two middle-aged couples were seated at the table next to me. Before they even opened their mouths, I KNEW they were Americans. Why? Because they were holding the NZ dollar bills up to their faces to look at each other through the clear plastic shapes in the corner of the bills. This is why the rest of the world hates us.


2. I saw my first penguin! It was zipping through the waters of the Wellington Harbor. Its torpedo-like moves were too fast for my camera.

Newsflash, Part XXIV

The fallout from office holiday parties continues. Not ready to end the party, these Kiwis stole booze from Parliament. As stupid as this is, it failed to make the list of New Zealand's stupidest crimes of 2008. One of these crimes involves poaching paua shells (aka: abalone), which is apparently taken very seriously in NZ. Heed the warning of this sign!

Keeping Watch Over the City

The Krupp Gun is a cannon that New Zealand troops captured from Germany in Fracne during World War I. It was gifted to New Zeland in 1920 and has been on display in Wellington ever since. It is thought to be the only cannon of its kind remaining from about 190 that were manufactured.

Low Expectations

I have a much deeper appreciation for Flight of the Conchords (watch clip below) after spending 5 months in New Zealand. "Don't expect much... you'll love it." Couldn't have said it better myself!

For example, a number of people told me that I simply must take a day trip to the town of Eastbourne. They described it as a charming little village on the water with lots of cute shops and cafes. On my first attempt to find Eastbourne, I literally drove right past it. I thought to myself: "Surely, this can't be what everyone was talking about." Well, it was. The "town" consists of one block. This picture shows about half of it. I can't fathom how anyone could spend more than 2 hours here, and that includes a 1 hour lunch.

I've learned to take everything with a grain of salt, so I didn't put much stock in the Kiwis' claim that Wellington's suburbs contained a shopping mall, "like what you're used to in America." I've seen what is called a "mall" in Wellington. Believe me, American consumers, it is no mall. So when I finally took a trip to the Queensgate Shopping Center, it was primarily for laughs. To my complete shock, I have to admit that it is an honest-to-goodness mall that could rival any mid-size mall in the US. It surely trumps the Schuylkill Mall. New Zealand surprises me in funny ways sometimes!

At first, I didn't exactly understand why Kiwis described the US as "massive" or having "cool stuff" or "so busy." I'm starting to get it now. It's not like the US has products or gadgets that New Zealand doesn't (except decent deodorant), but everything is on a much smaller scale. All the towns have corner dairies and teeny little stores with painted wooden signs. Many restaurants seat 30 people maximum. It's quaint and charming like a Norman Rockwell painting... until the novelty wears off. There is no suburban sprawl in this country, no giant parking lots, no chain restaurants, no expressways. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, but it is a giant difference. I can understand how a Kiwi would be in awe by walking into a Target (man, do I miss Target). New Zealand's answer to Target and Wal-Mart is "The Warehouse... where everyone gets a bargain" (catchy jingle). It's smaller and more budget than a Wal-Mart (think Ames), but it is a convenient one-stop-shopping destination.

I found myself a ways out of Wellington last night. I knew going to the "barbecue restaurant" was a bad idea, but I had no choice because I was hungry and it was the only place open at the late hour of 7pm. (Welly is awesome, but I have grave concerns about my ability to survive small-town New Zealand in my travels over the next few months). The meal was overpriced and truly awful. Inedible awful. Unfortunately for my dinner companion, this put me in a very foul mood. Just when I was ready to denounce all things Kiwi, they reeled my back in. Upon paying for dinner, we were presented with a proper full-size Christmas card that had been personally signed by every member of the waitstaff and contained a coupon for our next visit. There will be no next visit, but that little bit of Kiwi kindness turned my frown upside down.

She'll Be Right

There is a giant bungy chair ride in the heart of Wellington's nightlife district. I haven't seen it in action, but I imagine it would launch you directly into the building in the background. Why put a deathtrap so close to the pubs? Correct... because this is New Zealand. (You're starting to catch on, dear readers!) I call this an accident waiting to happen. The Kiwis call this Saturday night.