Holiday Bling

The city's Christmas decorations feature my very favorite thing in Wellington- the orb of silver ferns! These banners are on every lightpole in the city. The orb has been hovering above Civic Square since 1998. It is bright and shiny and makes me smile, even on those all-too-common rainy days.

Cinema, NZ

I don't go to many movies here, mostly because the release dates are often months behind the US. However, I'm looking forward to seeing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which opens on Dec 26. I don't think that's too far off from the US date?

As the "cultural capital" of NZ, Wellington differs from the rest of the country in that it has quite a selection of movie theatres. There are some cool little theatres that show primarily independent and foreign films. There are also big cineplexes that show the Hollywood blockbusters, a bit delayed. Wellington is also home to the very impressive Embassy Theatre. With marble floors and sweeping staircases, it looks more like an opera house than a movie theatre. NZ' s favorite son, Peter Jackson, fought and won to have the Embassy host the world premiere of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in 2003.

In NZ, you buy your movie tickets at the same concession stand where you buy your popcorn and alcohol. Sometimes the price of admission includes a glass of wine. I'm not sure if I would have liked Smart People as much without the wine.

Movie theatres in NZ have assigned seating. You consult your ticket for your seat number, just like at a Broadway play. This is ridiculous because the theatres are never full. One time, I walked into the Embassy, which seats hundreds of people, to find 20-30 Kiwis sitting elbow-to-elbow in the same corner. I can't believe they comply with this silly rule. These are the same Kiwis who bungee jump in the middle of the city, who set up home on the side of crumbling mountains, whose laissez-faire attitude is killing its children. I took one look at this herd of sheep, put the ticket in my pocket, and sat in a seat of my own choosing.

Who's the Kiwi now, Kiwis?!

Trafalgar Square

Teensy little Waterloo, New Zealand has its very own Trafalgar Square. There is a Chinese restaurant that, um, doubles as a fish 'n chips shop. The similarities with London end there.

Safe in the City

The Wellington police have launched a new advertizing campaign to promote responsible partying this holiday/summer season. Almost 11 years after Carrie Bradshaw first stepped into her Manolos, Welly reminds me to: "Stick with the girls... Stay Safe in the City." There are 4 women, and the font is familiar. The similarities with Sex and the City and NYC end there.

Today's Events

1. I went to a nice-ish restaurant for lunch. Two middle-aged couples were seated at the table next to me. Before they even opened their mouths, I KNEW they were Americans. Why? Because they were holding the NZ dollar bills up to their faces to look at each other through the clear plastic shapes in the corner of the bills. This is why the rest of the world hates us.


2. I saw my first penguin! It was zipping through the waters of the Wellington Harbor. Its torpedo-like moves were too fast for my camera.

Newsflash, Part XXIV

The fallout from office holiday parties continues. Not ready to end the party, these Kiwis stole booze from Parliament. As stupid as this is, it failed to make the list of New Zealand's stupidest crimes of 2008. One of these crimes involves poaching paua shells (aka: abalone), which is apparently taken very seriously in NZ. Heed the warning of this sign!

Keeping Watch Over the City

The Krupp Gun is a cannon that New Zealand troops captured from Germany in Fracne during World War I. It was gifted to New Zeland in 1920 and has been on display in Wellington ever since. It is thought to be the only cannon of its kind remaining from about 190 that were manufactured.

Low Expectations

I have a much deeper appreciation for Flight of the Conchords (watch clip below) after spending 5 months in New Zealand. "Don't expect much... you'll love it." Couldn't have said it better myself!

For example, a number of people told me that I simply must take a day trip to the town of Eastbourne. They described it as a charming little village on the water with lots of cute shops and cafes. On my first attempt to find Eastbourne, I literally drove right past it. I thought to myself: "Surely, this can't be what everyone was talking about." Well, it was. The "town" consists of one block. This picture shows about half of it. I can't fathom how anyone could spend more than 2 hours here, and that includes a 1 hour lunch.

I've learned to take everything with a grain of salt, so I didn't put much stock in the Kiwis' claim that Wellington's suburbs contained a shopping mall, "like what you're used to in America." I've seen what is called a "mall" in Wellington. Believe me, American consumers, it is no mall. So when I finally took a trip to the Queensgate Shopping Center, it was primarily for laughs. To my complete shock, I have to admit that it is an honest-to-goodness mall that could rival any mid-size mall in the US. It surely trumps the Schuylkill Mall. New Zealand surprises me in funny ways sometimes!

At first, I didn't exactly understand why Kiwis described the US as "massive" or having "cool stuff" or "so busy." I'm starting to get it now. It's not like the US has products or gadgets that New Zealand doesn't (except decent deodorant), but everything is on a much smaller scale. All the towns have corner dairies and teeny little stores with painted wooden signs. Many restaurants seat 30 people maximum. It's quaint and charming like a Norman Rockwell painting... until the novelty wears off. There is no suburban sprawl in this country, no giant parking lots, no chain restaurants, no expressways. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, but it is a giant difference. I can understand how a Kiwi would be in awe by walking into a Target (man, do I miss Target). New Zealand's answer to Target and Wal-Mart is "The Warehouse... where everyone gets a bargain" (catchy jingle). It's smaller and more budget than a Wal-Mart (think Ames), but it is a convenient one-stop-shopping destination.

I found myself a ways out of Wellington last night. I knew going to the "barbecue restaurant" was a bad idea, but I had no choice because I was hungry and it was the only place open at the late hour of 7pm. (Welly is awesome, but I have grave concerns about my ability to survive small-town New Zealand in my travels over the next few months). The meal was overpriced and truly awful. Inedible awful. Unfortunately for my dinner companion, this put me in a very foul mood. Just when I was ready to denounce all things Kiwi, they reeled my back in. Upon paying for dinner, we were presented with a proper full-size Christmas card that had been personally signed by every member of the waitstaff and contained a coupon for our next visit. There will be no next visit, but that little bit of Kiwi kindness turned my frown upside down.

She'll Be Right

There is a giant bungy chair ride in the heart of Wellington's nightlife district. I haven't seen it in action, but I imagine it would launch you directly into the building in the background. Why put a deathtrap so close to the pubs? Correct... because this is New Zealand. (You're starting to catch on, dear readers!) I call this an accident waiting to happen. The Kiwis call this Saturday night.

Office Holiday Party, Round 2

The holiday party was the inaugural event for the newly renovated space on floor 2. There had been much debate on how to best utilize this space. Some people wanted shower facilities (a lot of crazy Kiwis bike/run to work). Others wanted more meeting rooms. In the end, they decided to make it into a bar. I kid you not.

The buffet included sausages and Christmas ham. However, there were no buns or rolls in which to sandwich your meat. Instead, there were platters of heavily buttered white bread. Disgusting.

The new area has plenty of open space for... dancing! Yes, it was a dance party. Yes, there was strobe lighting. Yes, I was in my glory. They hired a professional DJ. By about 8pm, both the lighting and people's inhibitions had been turned way down low. What song finally got people moving? "Living on a Prayer." Works every time! I don't think it was supposed to be 80s night, but it just so happens that most songs were from that decade, or else they were oldies. The only exception was Katy Perry's "Hot 'n Cold." Very October 2008. The party was very much like a wedding, in terms of musical selection and in terms of the mixed crowd. Many older employees obviously don't drink/dance that often anymore.

Best dancer of the night? Slick Ultra, hands down. He is a mean breakdancer! I can't believe I didn't mention this sooner, but there is a 40-year-old employee whose legal name is Slick Ultra. He was baptized as Stuart. I wish I had a photo. I still haven't decided if he wears a wig or if his hair is naturally that crazy.

In an effort to protect the new carpeting from spills, the entire floorspace was covered with tarps taped together and then taped to the wall. This seems like a good idea at first, but what do you think happens when people spill their drinks on the tarps? It was a virtual slip 'n slide by the end of the night. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Newsflash, Part XXIII

All of a sudden, New Zealand is concerned that its "she'll be right" attitude is killing its kids. Kiwis, I've been telling you this for months! "She'll be right" is a common expression that reflects the Kiwis' laid-back/reckless attitude. It means: don't worry; it's okay; surely my child won't plummet to his death. I am amazed by the number of backyard trampolines in this country. Remember that Wellington backyards are mountainsides.

If you need further evidence that New Zealand is out of touch with its childrens' needs, read about this calendar of naked doctors. "In retrospect, we have realised this calendar is not the right initiative to raise money for a children's charity."

2009 is just around the corner. Buy your calendars here. Show us your bits, young Kiwi male!