Trading a Lemon for Lollies

Our Honda Integra (white with a purple and teal stripe... very 1990) gave us a good 6 months and almost 10,000km. She will always be remembered as an integral player in our great Kiwi summer road trip. Among her endearing quirks:

• The automatic locks don't work. The passenger door often unlocks when you lock the driver's door. Sometimes both doors unlock on their own.
• The car doesn't like hills, which is a problem in hilly NZ.
• It leaks. When starting the car after a big rain, the driver and passenger get a slosh of water on their feet.
• The boot (trunk) doesn't stay open, so you have to prop it up with your head.
• The limp antenna was dangling off the car until it finally fell off.
  

Approximately 10 minutes after this gem was posted on TradeMe (NZ's version of craigslist/ebay), I received a phone call from a potential buyer, the owner of one of Auckland's finest kebab shops. We paid him a visit after the next day's lunch-hour rush. As the store's owner/sole employee, he was unable to stray far from the shop. He hastily inspected the car, which was chock full 'o luggage and illegally parked in a bus zone in front of the shop.

Then the haggling began. He informed us that he was negotiating on behalf of his girlfriend so she would stop nagging him with requests to borrow his car. He called us names such as beautiful, gorgeous, sweet, pretty, dear and darling. I am impervious to flattery. He called me tough and demanded to know my age because I looked like his 17-year-old niece, whom he hasn't seen in 10 years. When we finally agreed on a price, he handed us each a ChupaChup lollipop. Dawn summed it up best: "Do you think he comes from a country that oppresses women?"

We said the car wasn't available for 4 more days. He gave us a $200 deposit on the spot and said to come back whenever we were ready. When we returned 4 days later, he handed over the cash without even checking that the car was parked out back like we said.

When a car changes hands in NZ, the license plate stays the same and there is only minimal paperwork. The new owner fills in some basic information and the old owner mails in the form. When asked for the date of sale, the guy entered his girlfriend's birthdate. Something tells me he's not a details man.

I've met so many travelers who are having a very difficult time unloading their old cars, so I consider us to be very lucky. We almost made our money back and we had to deal with only one person. And we got some candy! Easy as.

Rural Insurer

Any 30 Rock fans in the hizzy? Think back to episode 10 when Jenna filmed a movie called The Rural Juror. It became a running joke on the show because no one could pronounce the title. Such a silly phrase wouldn't exist in real life, would it? New Zealand's Farmers' Mutual Group comes pretty darn close. Ads posted all over the countryside proclaim the company to be the leading "rural insurer." Does Tina Fey have a Kiwi connection? I drive past these signs often. First, I laugh, then I feel sad because it reminds me of all the good TV I'm missing.

Newsflash, Part XL

Uh-oh, turns out that a blog can get you into trouble! The Kiwis are fighting back against some negative comments on a Aussie blog. Unlike those chicken Aussies, at least I'm not doing this anonymously. My face is plastered all over this site. But just to be safe, let's keep N to ZED between us, okay?

Dermatology 101

Summer is drawing to a close and I haven't even taught you about sun protection! I may be late by NZ standards, but I prefer to think of myself as early by US standards. As you look forward to the golden rays of June, remember this golden rule:

Slip, Slop, Slap and Wrap.

Sounds like a cooking recipe, doesn't it? Shake 'n Bake chicken comes to mind. However, the purpose of the slogan is to prevent you from baking like a chicken. The slogan, which has its origins in a NZ Cancer Society public health campaign, has become part of the common Kiwi vernacular.

To clarify, that is:

Slip on a shirt.
Slop on some sunscreen.
Slap on a hat.
Wrap around some sunnies (Kiwi speak for "sunglasses).

Marking My Territory

Newsflash, Part XXXIX

Hearts are breaking across New Zealand! Our beloved "Brit" (Bret McKenzie) has married his childhood sweetheart now that she's up the duff. Pass the tissues.

Note: I've been at this so long that I've lost confidence in my Roman numeral abilities. This is supposed to be 39.

Dogs Eat Kiwis!

Ninety Mile Beach & Northland

How long is New Zeland's Ninety Mile Beach? Sixty-three miles, of course!! (Although I now notice that Wikipedia page lists the length as 55 miles. Who really knows?)

We took a tour of the beach that went all the way up the coast to Cape Reinga, the northernmost point of NZ. This section of the country was the place of the first contact between Maori and Europeans and it is where the Tasman Sea meets the Pacific Ocean. It is a very spiritual place in Maori mythology, believed to be the point where spirits of the dead enter the underworld. The views are incredible.

Potty Art

Kawakawa, New Zealand is famous for its... toilets. In 1997, Austrian architect and ecologist Friedrich Hundertwasser was commissioned to design the town's public toilets. The man was declared a Living Treasure of New Zealand.

To quote the brochure: "The Kawakawa toilet block with its ceramic columns, garden roof and curving, colorful exuberance has put the Northland town of Kawakawa on the international tourist route and travelers from around the world pay homage to the man and his unique, architectural charm."

After the toilet photographs, I have included a picture of the rest of the town. That should help you understand why the toilets get so much attention. There's not much else going on in Kawakawa!

A further note about toilets... Kiwis never use the terms "bathroom" or "lavatory" or "restroom." The word "toilet" refers to the throne itself and the room as a whole. It was a bit jarring at first, but I've become accustomed to NZ's "tell it like it is" attitude. I think part of the reason for the use of the word "toilet" (as opposed to "bathroom") is that the toilet and shower/bath are located in separate rooms.

Finally... the flush mechanism on NZ toilets varies according to what type of deposit you've made. The toilet comes equipped with both "half flush" and "full flush" buttons. More than you ever wanted to know!

Cathedral Cove

These are a few pictures from Cathedral Cove in the Cormandel Peninsula. The 45-minute walk to the beach was well worth the effort.

Bird is the Word

The good news is that I'm finally able to present you with an up-close and personal photo of a New Zealand penguin. The bad news is that this little guy is did (Kiwispeak for "dead").