Island of the Living Dead

Thailand takes a toll on its tourists. You're lucky if you make it out alive! A few examples:

• The British kid I told you about with 2nd degree burns from the Ring of Fire
• The British kid's friend with his finger in a splint for a reason I can't recall
• Severe sunburns in unnatural shades of pink and red
• Mosquito bites the size of silver dollars
• A girl on our Phi Phi snorkeling trip who was bit by a monkey when we visited (where else?) Monkey Beach
• A guy on our Phi Phi snorkeling trip who stepped on a sea urchin and had ~20 spikes embedded in his foot
• A child on the beach had bandages wrapped all around his head.
• Scrapes/scratches from coral and rock. I have cuts on my foot, finger, knee and left butt cheek. A girl on the snorkeling trip had an alarmed look on her face and asked if I was alright. I thought that was kind of weird. I looked down and saw a stream of blood running from my knee to my toe.
• (secondhand story) A Thai man with a knife sticking out of his leg was wheeled to the hospital in a luggage cart. There are no vehicles on the island of Koh Phi Phi.
• Everyone and his brother has a motorbike injury. My leg burn is mild compared to the people who have bruises/scrapes all up and down the left or right side of their body from being thrown onto the sidewalk. I've come to learn that these motorbike injuries are commonly known as "Thailand tattoos." The island of Phuket has 300 motorbike deaths a year.

Kelly had her initiation into the Club of the Walking Wounded at approximately 4am on Saturday. After a night out with new friends from our Phi Phi snorkeling trip, we all ended up at a makeshift slip 'n slide. It was basically a big basin lined with plastic. Don't ask... it seemed like a good idea at the time. In reality, the night was was pitch black, and even after adding buckets of water, it wasn't that slippery and the slide down wasn't that smooth.

Kelly patiently waited for me to complete 2 slides before she matter-of-factly stated, "I think I need stitches." She looked just fine to me, but little did I know that she had already cleaned up all the blood. She lifted her head to show me the gash under her chin. I've heard that you're supposed to play it cool in these situations so as not to alarm the victim. Thus, my reaction was something like, "AAARRGHH!!" This response was surely inappropriate, but I was not prepared for the gaping wound in front of me. I've never seen anything like it. No further discussion necessary. We set off in search of the hospital... just as soon as I located my shoes. That process was much more involved and time-consuming than you might think.

Our slip 'n slide friend Chris volunteered to join the march and he quickly took charge of the situation. None of us had any idea where we were or where we were going. The streets were rather empty at 4am. We found our way by piecing together the half-directions and pointing hands of the few people we encountered. Chris would ask them very complex questions like, "Excuse me, but do you know how we would find our way to the hospital from here?" I usually followed this up with a simplified, "Doctor??"

I'm grateful for Chris's help because I wasn't in the mood to lead the mission. The only other time I spoke up during our almost hour-long trek was when we veered off the footpath into a jungle area with shrubbery up to my knees. "Come on you guys! This can't possibly be the right way!!" By this point, my feet were blistered and bleeding. I really wanted to whine, but I thought it best to keep my mouth shut considering that Kelly was holding her face together without complaint. She's a real trooper! She didn't even ask for extra tissues, but she accepted them when I remembered to offer.

Lo and behold, we stumbled across the Phi Phi Island Hospital at 5am. The only reason we knew it was the hospital is because it had a sign taped to the window that said "Hospital." It looked like it had automatic doors, but you had to pry them open with your hands. It was very small and very dark and very quiet. Chris headed towards the sign that said "pharmacy." There were 4-5 wrought-iron bed back there; one of them occupied by a man in a full body cast. He asked the patient's friend if the place was open, but the guy didn't know or didn't understand the question.

Meanwhile, I headed toward the sign that said: "Duty Room. Please Knock." I knocked on the door, and like a cartoon, approximately 6 pajama-clad personnel came RUSHING out of the room. I've never seen such a fast reaction! It looked like some of them were still sleeping, but they hadn't even had enough time to jump up from their beds. "What's wrong?" someone asked. Kelly stated plainly, "I fell." Seeing that the situation wasn't that serious, all but 2 of them went back to bed.

We were then led to the "emergency room." Kelly was laid out on a table and given injections into the face by a grown man (presumably a doctor?) in Casper the Friendly Ghost pajamas. I kid you not. It was at that point that I thought, "Oh my god. I hope I haven't just delivered Kelly to death's doorstep." She must have been thinking the same thing because she started to shake on the table. I assumed the night caught up with her and she was crying. I didn't exactly want front-row seats for the procedure, but I knew I should walk over there and hold her hand. Turns out she wasn't in tears... she was shaking because she was trying to stifle her laughter. Nevertheless, I held her hand through all 4 stitches. She gave me some pretty tight squeezes.

The rising sun lit our long walk home along the beach. We arrived at our hotel at approximately 6:30am. Kelly thought we might wake up in time to catch the end of the free breakfast buffet at 10am. Yeah right... I'll see you there.

A few days later, Kelly has had her dressings changed twice (they bandages get less bulky each time) and she has been instructed to have the stitches removed in the US on April 30. In addition to the chin laceration and butt bruising, we are fairly certain that she has whiplash. I've been campaigning pretty hard for her to get a neck brace (partly for her health, mostly for my entertainment), but she has refused. A girl has to maintain her dignity, after all.

Pictures to follow :)