Chocolate Fish

The US has a saying to acknowledge a job well done. “You get a gold star.” This is a little bit tongue-in-cheek, a throwback to elementary school. No one actually gives you a gold star sticker… at least not since your 4th grade spelling test.

NZ also has a saying to acknowledge a job well done. “You get a chocolate fish.” The difference is that the Kiwis will physically hand you a chocolate fish, another one of those “essential Kiwi items.” It is a strawberry peep-like marshmallow with a chocolate shell in the shape of a minnow. You also get a chocolate fish on your saucer when you order a fancy coffee drink like a mochaccino.

Rumor has it that the chocolate fish is typically 6-8 inches; however, I find that the mini 2 inch version is much more common. (Sound familiar, girls??) Believe me, dear readers, size does not matter. Smaller is better because the chocolate fish is more like a punishment than a reward. It is kind of gross. When I’m in charge, I will passive-aggressively distribute chocolate fish to poor performers. The high achievers will be lauded with TimTams and Starburst. Or maybe I’ll expect them to tirelessly work their tails off without recognition or reward. That's the American way, after all.

Returning to the topic of stars, New Zealand loves the saying “You’re a star.” This strikes me as very old-fashioned. I picture granddads saying it in the 1950s. I picture black-and-white Hollywood glamour… a skeevy agent telling a young Marilyn Monroe that he’ll make her famous.

Whenever I complete some menial task at work, people say, “Thanks Maureen, you’re a star!”* I hear this left and right. Please, Kiwis, tell me something I don't know.

* When this praise is delivered via email, it is often written as "YOUR a star!" Guess who didn't get a gold star on the 4th grade spelling test.