Newsflash, Part VII

This installment of the "newsflash" series will focus on New Zealand's Fashion Week... quite the oxymoron. New Zealand is one week behind New York in the timing of its Fashion Week, one decade behind New York in its fashions.

I'm no fashionista (I miss the Gap), but the styles - like so much else in this country - are a bit behind the times. The uniform of the young Kiwi female involves black tights with slouchy boots and a long bathrobe-style sweater. This type of sweater was popular in 2001. I remember the trend well because I was humiliated by a sweater robe in college. I felt really cool in my new outfit until a sympathetic co-ed stopped me on my way to class. The price tag was still attached.

Layering is understandably in vogue, and everyone wears lots of black. Wellingtonians of all shapes and sizes sport skinny jeans. Trust me, Kiwis. Buy bigger pants. Your thighs will thank you.

• Article #1 - The Kiwis are upset that their most famous model has turned her back on NZ Fashion Week, but they're also proud that she's making it big in Paris. Take that, Linda Evangelista! (I have to dispute this article's claim that Nicole Kidman's sister is a celebrity.)
• Article #2 - A "smattering" of international media are expected to cover the events. "The media are less Vogue and more indie this time, with online seemingly the way to go." Okay, you tell yourself that.
• Article #3 - Always practical, the Kiwis have developed a fireproof and stab-proof fabric. By stab-proof, they mean protective against a butter knife attack.
• Article #4 - Cattiness is an international language! Kiwi models are too blonde, too tanned, and show too much cleavage. I wonder if the young Kiwi male shares this opinion?