Newsflash, Part IX

The US isn’t the only country with an important election in November. To help Kiwis make an informed decision, one local newspaper publishes a weekly Q&A session with the 9 candidates vying for the Wellington Central seat in Parliament. It asks hard-hitting questions like: “What was your first pet and how long did you have it?’” Muckraking journalism at its best.

Bernard Darnton, the libertariaNZ candidate, answers, “The other candidates will have answers that avoid offending either the cat people or the dog people – it’s all part of modern politics, where image trumps truth. I once had a dog, but that was in Vietnam and it was a meal rather than a pet. I was brought up vegetarian (it didn’t stick), and any animals in our house observed the same rules, meaning dull, pointless pets like gerbils. I wanted a snake. I would have fed it gerbils.”