Learn the Lingo! Lesson 1 - The Accent

First thing’s first! Before you learn the Kiwi words, you must learn the Kiwi accent!

I’ve spent countless hours imitating the accent over the last several months. It’s still awful, but it keeps me entertained. The key word in the previous sentence is ME. I’m not brazen enough to put on the accent in front of a native New Zealander. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about the Kiwis. Many people have asked me to listen to their “Bill Clinton.” Their version of an American accent is always very nasally. I sound nothing like that. The Kiwis apparently agree because I’m often told that I sound Canadian. Irritating. Just last week, a man told me I’d be able to “get away with” saying I’m Canadian. I don’t like the implication there…

This American/Canadian confusion bothers me. Similarly, the Kiwis are bothered that I can’t tell the NZ/Australian accents apart. In fact, I’m ashamed to admit that I knew a few British people for weeks before I realized they weren’t Kiwi. In isolation, I don’t think the British/Kiwi accents sound one bit alike, but everything gets jumbled together in real life. It’s funny what the ear does and doesn’t pick up. There have been many times when a friend asked me if a waitress, clerk, etc. was American. My response is usually, “Huh?” More often than not, the voice (American accent) of the person in question hasn’t even registered with me. I think my brain doesn’t recognize it as “different.” Where’s a linguist/neuroscientist when you need one?

Back to the Kiwi accent… just do your best Australian accent and you’re on the right track. There is a funny language story about my Kiwi boyfriend Jemaine Clement. When he was hired to appear in commercials for Outback Steakhouse, he spent weeks honing his fake Australian accent. Come to find out, the American film crew thought he was from Australia all along and heard no difference between his true Kiwi/fake Australian accents.

The hallmark of the Kiwi accent is the long “e” or "i" sound. “Yes” becomes “yees” or “yis.” It is very draaawn out. The word “bed” is pronounced “bead.” The animal “bear” is pronounced exactly like that tasty beverage “beer.” You’d be surprised how often this causes confusion. I never noticed how often bears up in everyday conversation. Seriously!

The workplace produced the best example of my confusion with the long “e” sound. A woman asked me a question about some leaders. I stared at her blankly. I asked her to repeat herself twice. My mind was racing… “Leaders of what?!?” Then it finally hit me. She was asking about some letters I had written.

I can’t find any internet sources to back me up on this, but I’ve observed similarities between the Boston/Kiwi accents. Kiwis tend to drop their R’s. You know what I mean… “park the car” becomes “pahk the cah.” I wonder if this has something to do with British settlers heading to New England and New Zealand. Food for thought.

Here is a funny Flight of the Conchords clip that touches on the Kiwi accent.