Can you please confirm...?

Post-NOSH, a new work acquaintance invited me out with his friends. An impromptu free-association game erupted when he introduced me as a Philadelphian. They yell out: cheesteak, 76ers, Flyers, Phillies, liberty bell. Very good, Kiwis! A guy from South Africa claims to be a huge Eagles fan.

I'm asked if I'll be voting soon, the logistics of voting from abroad, and who I voted for. I've had this discussion 4 times this week alone. They come right out with it. "Nice to meet you. Who will you vote for?" Lay off me, Kiwis! I mailed my absentee ballot this week. (By the way, you won't be very popular if your answer is John McCain.)

I really like this group because they are fun, make ridiculous claims about the US, give me all kinds of crap about being American, and let me do the same about New Zealand (I usually don't say this stuff aloud). I believe the ability to laugh at oneself is an essential personality trait, but I've also wondered whether the degree to which I enjoy insults is healthy. Note to self: Schedule therapy.

• I'm asked to confirm that the best thing about going to bars in America is buffalo wing night. Well, I never really thought about it...
• I'm asked to confirm that an American who attends an Ivy League school is set for life.
• Lyle tells me his name is very common in America, just like George. I've never met a Lyle and I can think of only one George. He asks, "What about W. and his father?" I don't know the Bushes personally, and not all citizens share a name with their president.
• Someone says I must be excited to get a free Dr. Pepper if Guns 'n Roses finally release Chinese Democracy this year. I guess I missed this March 2008 announcement. I do not like Dr. Pepper.
• South Carolina comes up in a discussion of possible places I might live upon my return to the US. The reaction: "South Cackalacky?! I thought you said you voted for change? But they do have proper barbecue restaurants there, don't they? That would be nice."
• A guy trying to coax me onto the dance floor says I must have moves because I'm from Philly. "Why? What have you heard about Philly?" He says, "Oh, you know, just what Will Smith said. In west Philadelphia born and raised...."
• Other random comments - NZ won WWII for the US. The US is responsible for the hole in the ozone layer above NZ. The world series isn't really a world series. Blah, blah, blah.

The guy from work makes a passing remark about being single. Woah, back up...

• Me: I thought you told me last week that you had a girlfriend?
• Him: Well yeah. I had a girlfriend last week, but not anymore.
• Me: Oh. But didn't you say you lived together for 5 years?
• Him: Yeah, that's why I wasn't at work on Monday. I moved her out.

Young Kiwi male, do you mean to tell me that you've been mercilessly making fun of me all night AND you're on the rebound!?! Game on.